When you want to get settlement done and move on with your life, but your ex – the other party – delays by not providing financial disclosure or documents that you need to progress the matter, it is really frustrating. What should you do? Firstly, understanding why they are delaying may help.
Parties delay settlement for various reasons including:
- They are living in the house and they fear they’ll lose the house in settlement so they delay so they can keep living in the home.
- They are angry with you and they delay to annoy you or to ‘get back at you’ for a perceived wrong you’ve done.
- They are anxious about the change in their life circumstances and are paralysed by that.
- They don’t have any money to enagage a lawyer.
- They don’t know what to do.
- They are using the delays to manipulate you into doing what they want, like changing an agreement about the children.
But what can I do? Here are some options of what you can do when the other party is delaying:
- Just keep going, regardless. Attempt mediation, apply to the court, seek further legal advice, etc
- Apply to court and seek orders for what you want, eg, you want them to provide financial disclosure by a certain date, and to include certain assets eg overseas property, valuation of a property etc. They will probably not comply with these orders, and the court is obligated to give them a fair deal (which won’t seem fair to you, of course), but eventually, the court can make the orders that you seek, because the court can assume that the other party is hiding assets and that’s why they are not disclosing those assets or their values.
- Ask your lawyer about seeking costs from the other party and about making a Calderbank offer.
It is exhausting, frustrating and annoying when the other party delays, but here are some tips on how to cope:
- Take your power: you don’t have to wait for them to make a move. You can be in charge of your life and get on with it, regardless of what games they play.
- Get your support team around you: friends, family, employer (their are Fair Work provisions for DV), psychological support, counselling, coaching.
- Protect your children from this conflict. DO NOT include your children in this matter – it is not your children’s burden to carry for you.
- Prepare for the long haul. It can take five or six years or more to get to a full and final settlement if they delay.
I live in the Granite Belt of Queensland near Stanthorpe. I lived in the Northern Rivers in Lismore for 10 years – I know the areas, I know the schools, I know the drive time between towns. I can refer you to support services.
As a solicitor and nationally accredited mediator, I can work with your lawyers to provide a seamless service to get from here to settlement. I can suggest collaborative lawyers who will aim for settlement quickly, justly and cheaply, and all without escalating the conflict.
