“I’m taking you to court!” I hear these words, or words to the effect of “see you in court’ from time to time in my work as a mediator under the Family Law Act. After separation, the parties try and work out how they will arrange the parenting and how they will divide the assets of the house, car and superannuation. It’s difficult and sometimes it doesn’t work out when the two of you try.
In my experience, the reason the relationship has broken down is the same reason the negotiations will break down, too, and that is ineffective communication. The parties are not hearing each other, not clearly communicating. (I use the term ‘parties’ to avoid any gender bias and to include all types of couples.)
In this situation, a third party is required. Research by the Australian Institute of Family Studies shows that 97% of parents do not go to court. About 16% of those couples will use family dispute resolution (mediation) or lawyers to reach a parenting plan or financial settlement, and the remaining 3% use the family court system.
When I talk to separated couples, they are often keen to get the situation sorted as soon as possible. I ask them how long they’ve been separated and if it’s been a matter of weeks or months, I tell them it’s early days and they have a long way to go. I advise them to get ready for a long process. By process, I mean not only the emotional process of uncoupling, but also the practical journey of sorting finances and being back on a track in life with perhaps different financial goals and probably different ways of getting there, now you’re single.
The quickest way to get a settlement is mediation, and even then, if you want consent orders, the process is a long one. From preparing for mediation with ‘full and frank financial disclosure’ which can take many weeks, depending on how long it takes to assemble your evidence, to attending the mediation and getting the heads of agreement. Once you’ve got that far, if you want consent orders, you need to have these written up and the application for consent orders completed and signed along with a notice of risk and superannuation information. That can take a few weeks by the time everything is drafted and signed and finally filed in court.
Getting the application sealed by the court can take days or weeks, depending on their workload and if the court has to send back the application for any errors to be corrected. Once you have your sealed consent orders, you take it to the bank to re-arrange the mortgage, the titles office to transfer the title, and any other government office that won’t change any paperwork until they’ve seen the orders, like Centrelink.
I often hear a party complaining that the other party keep changing their mind and again, if it is in the first weeks and months, I tell them that this is normal. You’re both navigating uncharted waters and things are changing rapidly. It takes time to adjust to this huge life change. You can’t possibly make snap decisions and stick with them when there are such huge issues at stake.
Prepare for a long ride. Build your support team around you. Separation is a long process, not just a single event.
