BOUNDARIES AROUND COMMUNICATION WHEN EMOTIONS ARE RUNNING HIGH
Remember:
- We are kind to each other and kind about the people we love. We don’t diss or talk bad about people in each other’s lives. We don’t post on social media about the other person without their permission.
- We don’t call each other names.
- We don’t insult each other or accuse each other of things that might have happened in the past. Things that happened in the past, stay in the past. Let’s move on. We look to the future, not the past.
- When we get angry, we politely end the phone call (not just hanging up) instead of threatening each other.
- These rules apply to when we talk in person, on the phone, email, sms, social media.
- We stop and think about what we’re about say: is it positive or negative? If it’s negative, I don’t say it. If I can’t say anything positive, I don’t say anything at all.
- When we feel we’re getting angry and about to explode, that’s the time to be extra careful about saying bad stuff. It’s best to stop the communication right there if you are about to lose it.
- ALL arguments are about misunderstanding each other. If one person says something that frustrates the other person, it’s probably because the listener interpreted the words in a way that the talker did not mean. Instead of getting angry, calmly ask a question like “what do you mean by that?”
- LISTEN without butting in. LISTEN and try to understand the other person. This will stop an argument.
Ways to stop an argument:
- Try not to start a sentence with “You do this” or “You do that”. Try to say “I feel xx when you say or do that”. When you start a sentence with “You”, it starts an argument.
- The other person is not ‘bad’, so don’t tell them they are bad: they are struggling and need support.
- Look for the good in the other person. Tell them the good things about them. Look for their strengths and help them to build what is good. Do the same for yourself.
- You will not fix this overnight. It takes time and you will both make mistakes. Be kind to each other and to yourself.